First Wedding Dance Doā€™s & Don'ts
Allow me to begin with a BIG grand congratulations! If you’re reading this, it’s very likely you just got engaged, and that makes me happy for you. I’m one of those people who cries tears of joy at weddings, all of them, and now in the excitement of your engagement, we’re both happy!
That’s the thing about weddings, they make people happy which is one of the many reasons I strongly encourage you to make the most of your first wedding dance.
Because like weddings, dance makes people happy too.
My husband (also my lifelong pro dance partner) and I always say “you don’t even have to like dancing, you’ll love it!” It’s silly but true, even the can’t-make-me-dance wallflowers like watching the dance floor flowers.
Now let’s talk about…
Your First Wedding Dance
Your first wedding dance could be… nothing. Like you could literally skip it, a lot of couples do and it breaks my sweet dancing heart. There will be no photo of your dance dip on the wall, no memory of that romantic moment, no story to tell your kids someday, no…first dance.
Or…
You could just get out there and wiggle a bit, maybe step on each other’s toes and get a little embarrassed by your lack of confidence and ability to move in romantic unison with your new life partner. Yeah, you could do that. Meh.
Or…
You could actually
- learn to dance together
- enjoy the romance of knowing how to move together in confidence
- experience the unexpected feelings of deep connection
- you could even impress and entertain your wedding guests with your performance
Ahem, did I just say performance? Yes, yes I did because your wedding dance is a performance! You’re dancing and people are watching, that’s a performance. As a lifelong performer, I take this very seriously (also dancing is a lot of fun, so I also take it not seriously.)
Let me lay out the beats and bars so you don’t miss a step when preparing your first wedding dance. My goal in sharing my expertise with you is simply to inspire you to make the most of your one and only first wedding dance. #heartstrings
First Wedding Dance Dos & Don’ts
Five, six, a, five, six, seven, eight! Sometimes dancers just need a little count to get them started. I’m ready now…
(#1) I Do recommend starting dance lessons early on.
Like, did he just put a ring on it yesterday and you’re already shopping for dance lessons? Yea!! Wait, no? It wasn’t yesterday? Oh, you’ve already been engaged for three months. Ok. Well, that’s ok because you’re here now.
Truthfully, my husband and I recommend starting your lessons anywhere from 3-12 months before your wedding. Please do not panic if you’re only a few weeks out, there is always dance hope. Hope is one of the main emotions dance exists for.
Three to twelve months is a big range, and that’s because you’re all unique little turtle doves with your own lovely wedding visions dancing in your heads, and your own specific movement history, chemistry with your partner, schedules and budgets. As with everything, there are a lot of variables.
A three month minimum ensures enough time to get comfortable with new movement vocabulary in your bodies, and more importantly, with the new language you’ll be learning…the super intimate and silent language of leading and following.
A quick time comparison…
Imagine you just start learning piano, you’re a beginner taking one lesson per week, then after just three months, you do a solo piano performance for 100 of your closest friends! Are you nervous just thinking about it? So three months is a good minimum, am I right?
Twelve months of lessons is what makes your dance teachers fall in love with you, in a totally appropriate way. A full year of learning is an expression of commitment to truly learning to dance with your partner, and that commitment is much bigger than your first wedding dance. That commitment makes you a “couple who dances.” And oh the dances you’ll have! After all, your marriage is just getting started.
(#2) I Don’t recommend waiting until you’ve chosen “your song” to get on the dance floor.
Your inability to agree on a song or find one that really speaks to you might be a convenient reason to delay getting on the dance floor together, but it’s not a good one.
I do understand though. Starting something new together can be challenging, maybe it’s just because of busy schedules or tight budgets. Or maybe there are deeper reasons lurking, like nervousness about being witnessed by your partner in the vulnerable process of learning, or fear that your partner won’t even get on the dance floor with you. Those dark corners are worth looking at. I can speak from a lifetime of dance floor experience (my own and that of thousands of our students) the dance floor brings light and joy. It will fill in those dark corners, so don’t ignore them. Instead, find out what they are and fill them with the joy and connection of dancing with your partner.
You can start learning to move together to ANY music at all. In fact, getting on the floor and trying out some music together will better inform you as to what movement style most naturally suits the two of you, and further clarify what type of music you both want to dance to.
Photo: That's Jenn + Matt, they had a great vision for their dance as you can clearly see.
(#3) I Do recommend discussing your first wedding dance vision and expectations.
This is fun! This is a date night unto itself. Head out to your favorite restaurant or pour your favorite cocktail at home, put some lovely music on, and have a joyful conversation about what you imagine for your first wedding dance.
Are there crickets? No visions? No one’s talking huh? There’s no Cinderella waltzing across your third eye? That’s ok. There’s this lovely little thing called YouTube. Go on over there and look up some first wedding dances. Keep in mind, you’re likely to see a bunch of the over the top ones because, well, those are often the people who share the first wedding dances on YouTube. But you will certainly see some “normal” ones as well. The point is just to get your dance juices flowing. Sometimes tequila helps too. ;)
Talk about the theme of your wedding, your colors, your fashion for the day, music you both love, dances that are interesting to you, emotions that you want to feel. You likely have way more vision than you initially think. You’ve just got to get the dance conversation rolling and then you likely won’t be able to stop it.
It can also be helpful to start by talking about what you don’t want. For instance, I knew for sure that I did not want to switch songs halfway through our first dance, which is totally ok to do, but not for me. I also knew I didn’t want to have to change dresses or shoes to accommodate the dance. I also knew that I didn’t want any surprise backup dancers to join us for a big finale. You get the idea.
(#4) I Don’t recommend learning a dance style that doesn’t feel like the two of you.
Some couples love a traditional Prince and Princess style waltz. Great, I’m glad someone still does! My husband and I have helped couples create steamy Argentine Tangos for their first dances, but that doesn’t make sense for everyone. We’ve also taught plenty of sultry, sexy, swing dances, and a handful of Latin style first dances too.
But mostly, we teach couples how to communicate on the dance floor (i.e. leading and following) plus some basic movement vocabulary. From there, couples realize they’re able to access freedom of expression, synchronicity to any music, and emotional connections that are unique to the two of them in each unique dance they share.
Don’t learn a rumba because your ballroom dance teacher said it’s a good choice for a first wedding dance, UNLESS rumba is what you actually want to learn. Don’t do a boring slow dance with an unexpected mid-dance break into Michael Jackson, UNLESS that’s what you actually want to do. And you’ll find out what you actually want to do when you pour those cocktails and have that “Let’s Plan Our First Wedding Dance Date Night” as mentioned above.
(#5) I Do recommend discussing your wedding day shoes and attire early on.
This doesn’t mean you have to give away the secrets of your wedding day fashion in case you’re honoring the tradition of a never-before-seen look on your wedding day.
Ladies, you need to think about particular dress lines that may cause mobility issues like a mermaid cut dress, or a floor length dress that may cause tripping. Also consider if your shoes stay on your feet well or if you have terrible balance in them.
Gents, you need to think about the mobility of your skinny fit slacks when you lean in to dip her (don’t rip those pants!) You also need to think about how your suave hat is definitely going to fall off of your head at some point during your dance.
Your shoes will affect your balance and mobility, as will the surface of your wedding day dance floor. A good dance teacher will walk you through all of these potential concerns whether you take live lessons or a well developed online course. Yes, like ours. ;)
Photo: You don't have to dip as deep as Raymond and I do, but if you want to, we'll teach you how.
(#6) I Don’t recommend planning a dance rehearsal on your wedding day.
Don’t plan to practice your dance on your wedding day. That’s right, this performance oriented dance teacher just told you NOT to practice on the day of your wedding. You don’t have time, you’ll be distracted, and most importantly, you don’t need it.
Your dancing isn’t going to improve on your wedding day. All you want to do is dance your best, and you’ll do that by being calm, confident, and connected when you get on the dance floor together. Really learning how to connect is like entering a meditation together, and because you started lessons a few months before your wedding, you’ll know exactly how to get there.
I do, however, recommend scheduling a short and sweet practice session for the day before your wedding. That’s the day people typically have their rehearsal dinners right? Ah yes, that word we dancers love…rehearsal. The day before your wedding is the right day to rehearse your first dance.
(#7) I Do recommend planning your practice/date night schedule at the beginning.
Planning your wedding makes for a busy season for most couples. They’re typically already busy and then they add the wedding. My biggest piece of advice (as a married woman and witness to many couples tying the knot): enjoy the process of planning your wedding together. That in and of itself is a ceremony, and so is learning to dance together, should you choose to embrace that in your love story.
Preparing your wedding dance can and should be fun. It will be if you plan it like date night…tasty beverages, delightful apps, the joy of learning something new together, and time spent in intimate physical contact with your favorite music playing in the background. What’s not to love?
Schedule your date night dance lessons and stick to them. If you have six weeks, so be it. If you choose six months, make it happen! Enjoy the process of date night and learning to dance. If you do that, you will create a wedding dance that you can’t wait to experience and share on your big day.
(#8) I Don’t recommend eclectic learning.
We live in the information age, so there is a plethora of dance knowledge out there, from your local dance studio to the endless stream of dance TikToks and Youtube playlists.
I highly recommend choosing a teacher, a course, a single primary source of information to take you from day one all the way to your wedding day. Trying to piecemeal dance knowledge together yourselves will be time consuming, frustrating, and likely lead to an incomplete attempt at a joyful first dance.
Whether you prefer to take private or group lessons at a live location in your community or with an online teacher or streaming course, choose one that fits the two of you. Have that conversation about what you want your first dance to be, and then choose your teacher or course. You’ll be able to make a much better decision that way.
My Most Important Wedding Dance Tip
Dancers can’t count to nine, so we’ll call this one a bonus! Most importantly…
(#Bonus) I Do recommend that you do a first wedding dance of some kind.
You will cherish it, you will enjoy the process of dancing together, you will have a photo of that special moment, and a first dance story to tell your kids someday. Dance really is a cornerstone of romance, so I whole-heartedly invite you to bring dance into your love story.
If you’d like to learn to dance with Raymond and I, we would be honored. We’ve poured our dance-loving hearts into the creation of our Dance Dates: First Wedding Dance Course. It’s an online video course designed to take you from four left feet to a confident and fabulous first wedding dance. We cover…everything! Steps, music, attire, plus a zillion different options of dance moves for you to create your own unique first dance. We’ll guide you every step of the way.
You can learn more about Dance Dates: First Wedding Dance right here.
See you on the dance floor.
